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depressed
2005-02-22 23:30:36
for thoes of you that dont know,,, the depression is on top of my ocd, ahhd autisum, ibs, cronic fatigue, fatty liver disorder, high cholestoral, severe anxeity, and so on... I am quite conviniced that i have cfs, but I have not been offically labeled as such because of my depression. However, it has been suspected that I had lupus, but now they dont think I have it, I just have a high ana. Despite my 300mg of luvox, I find with daily life sometimes, I just get depressed, I feel like no one wants me or needs me. I feel like I am a burden to others. I stop seeing the point in living. I start dreading taking a bunch of pills for the rest of my life, espically pills I can not afford, and my insurance is runing out in 65 days or so... Why do I get these deep depression feelings despite being on all that luvox??? I still have never gone into a manic state what so ever, so I know this is not bi-polar. I have ocd and depression. It almost feels like the ocd is worse on the drugs sometimes, but off the drugs, I am terriably sucidial.. I hate feeling this way. I hate it. What can I do? is there something else I can do to get rid of this deep dark depression? more klonloplin?? less loperamide??? (my ibs has been bad) -- dont know if this has any effect or not, but i took a lot today, and i feel especially bad today. jamie
2005-02-23 13:18:03
Although it isn't the "advertised" reason for being different from other
mammals, being able to be a burden does separate us from the other mammals. :) Seriously though, you may want to look at what's been going on in your life the past day(s)... week(s)... or even the past month. Have you been overdoing to the point of exhaustion on the good moments (or good days, if you get a whole day of feeling better)??? Are others pressuring you or nagging at you about what kind of care they think you should have and what activities they think you should do/not do? Have you started any new meds recently? (If so, get thee to the doctor or at least call him/her and let him/her know that this depression may be part and parcel to the new med and NOT a desired side effect.) Or is it just the same ol' same ol' pain and chronic illnesses wearing at you? (You're allowed to "be bummed" on occasion, you know, to cope with these illnesses... as long as it doesn't linger too long and become a threat to your safety/existence... at which point, you might want to call a doctor, pastor, friend or some other person who can help.) I am picking at your wording of "being a burden to others", because I have found myself using the exact same wording of late. Quite honestly, I wonder if it isn't weather-related with the bizarre storms around the country and if you are in the Midwest... the dipping and peaking of temps, often swinging 40 degrees overnight. It has also been very grey out (at least here in Kansas) and without the needed sunlight to regulate myself by, I notice that I tend to slip into depression/despair much easier, especially when there are a gazillion other things around us. (I'm personally in a situation where the place I was moving to fell through and I am looking at buying now instead of renting, which will mean staying in a motel for the next month or two while we get money moved around. Although I received a letter indicating that my SSDI case has reached the point of hearing (counting down from a maximum of 3 months and 3 weeks, according to my attorneys), there's still a few months of complete poverty to go and more loaning (which still feels like mooching, even though it will be paid back) to be done. Getting back toward the point, the fact that we *can* feel like a burden suggests that we have the blessings of having others in our lives. The "glass half full" version of feeling like a burden would be that we're fortunate to have people that care and that remain in our lives regardless of how needy we become. Don't get me wrong, I don't always see the "glass half full" version until hindsight kicks in... I don't get a free pass from bumming on occasion either... Know you aren't alone, for what that's worth (and sometimes it's worth a lot, sometimes not)... and that others care... and that it's okay to grieve the life lost to fibro and its inherent afflictions. If those feelings begin to monopolize or negatively impact your life, though, you might want to get some help. Otherwise, this is the place to post those feelings that one is pretty certain that "normals" will not understand... and the rest of us are here for essentially the same reason that you are... to not be alone with our pain. Many of us have already lost jobs, homes, real-life friends/acquaintances and even family due to fibro making us less than dependable and/or able to maintain a schedule, so we "get" how deep the resulting emotional pain can run as well. Yes, people squabble here and some folks can't stand me and I can't stand some folks, at least on the surface (I really doubt any of us would be so quick to jump to conclusions in real life... myself included.)... but we all gather here for the same essential purpose... because it *is* where we can be ourselves and not feel out of place. Bask in that, if you can and let others help you feel better, if possible. I hope the moment improves into an improved hour/dayweek/month, etc. That's the best we can hope for at times, but it's really enough. We can make all the plans we want, but we're still stuck living in this moment and making the best of it that we can. Hope some (any?) of my ramblings helped. Know you aren't alone. Mary -- "A room without books is like a body without a soul." - Marcus Tullius Cicero "jamiedolan@yahoo.com" news:1109143836.901797.303100@f14g2000cwb.googlegroups.com... > > for thoes of you that dont know,,, the depression is on top of my ocd, > ahhd autisum, ibs, cronic fatigue, fatty liver disorder, high > cholestoral, severe anxeity, and so on... > > I am quite conviniced that i have cfs, but I have not been offically > labeled as such because of my depression. However, it has been > suspected that I had lupus, but now they dont think I have it, I just > have a high ana. > > Despite my 300mg of luvox, I find with daily life sometimes, I just get > depressed, I feel like no one wants me or needs me. > > I feel like I am a burden to others. > > I stop seeing the point in living. > > I start dreading taking a bunch of pills for the rest of my life, > espically pills I can not afford, and my insurance is runing out in 65 > days or so... > > Why do I get these deep depression feelings despite being on all that > luvox??? > > I still have never gone into a manic state what so ever, so I know this > is not bi-polar. I have ocd and depression. > > It almost feels like the ocd is worse on the drugs sometimes, but off > the drugs, I am terriably sucidial.. > > I hate feeling this way. > > I hate it. > > What can I do? > > is there something else I can do to get rid of this deep dark > depression? > > more klonloplin?? > > less loperamide??? (my ibs has been bad) -- dont know if this has any > effect or not, but i took a lot today, and i feel especially bad today. > > jamie >
2005-02-23 10:57:49
It could very well be your meds.
I got to feeling much the same (still recovering, weeks later) from taking Cymbalta (oddly enough, an anti-depressant) for a *single* week, on a trial dose with free samples from my doctor. Turns out of the four other patients she also tried on it (not sure if they all had FMS, but don't think so), ALL quit within the first week of taking it for similar reasons. I've also been trying DHEA to see if it would boost my energy levels (which is also why I was trying Cymbalta), and thought that perhaps *it* was part of the reason, since it does affect hormones and such... but would be more expected to affect aggression and sexual behaviors, not depressive ones. My doctor thinks it was prolly the Cymbalta alone, but I'll prolly stop taking the DHEA as well. Also, quitting any psycho-active med cold turkey, especially after having taken it a long while, especially after being on a higher dose, can also cause bizzare behavioral problems, so be careful you don't fall into that "trap", by, for example, letting a prescription run out and not re-filling it promptly for whatever reason. If the med was helping your energy, decreasing your pain, or improving your mood and you suddenly stopped taking it, odds are you won't feel like running out to the drug store for a refill because you feel so lousy after you ran out of it... at least that's one of the traps *I* fall into occasionally. Being on limited income makes things worse, as I don't like throwing my money on expensive meds... I've been there, done that, felt the effects with Elavil, Flexeril, Ultram, Oxycodone, and perhps the worst, Effexor. Had to wait over a week of basically being bed-bound before I could get myself out of bed and up to the drug store for refills... Not all of those meds at the same time, but you get the idea. I've been married to these damned illnesses almost 20 years now, and have missed refills on just about everything I've ever taken in that time at least once. It's extra rough living alone. Make sure you keep in contact on a daily basis with a trusted friend, family member, healthcare worker, etc. to give yourself better odds at not running out of your meds... and of having a better chance at help getting refills when they're due. It's scary. I keep myself occupied as much as possible with computers and Internet research (more on technology than on medicine) to keep my mind active and *off* my health problems... I know others have been in the news for having had very unpleasant experiences (psychologically) while taking anti-depressants. So it's nothing new, at least for doctors. You have to re-assure yourself that it's not necessarily you at *all* at the root cause of these feelings and ideas, but rather perhaps the meds you're on, especially considering the lousy weather and it's effect on us as well... they kind of amplify each other. I'd say you should bring this up with your doc immediately. Talk to a trusted friend, family member, God, whomever you need to in the mean time to get through this phase. You'll make it. Asking for help is just part of the experience, nothing to fear or be ashamed of... "jamiedolan@yahoo.com" news:1109143836.901797.303100@f14g2000cwb.googlegroups.com... > > for thoes of you that dont know,,, the depression is on top of my ocd, > ahhd autisum, ibs, cronic fatigue, fatty liver disorder, high > cholestoral, severe anxeity, and so on... > > I am quite conviniced that i have cfs, but I have not been offically > labeled as such because of my depression. However, it has been > suspected that I had lupus, but now they dont think I have it, I just > have a high ana. > > Despite my 300mg of luvox, I find with daily life sometimes, I just get > depressed, I feel like no one wants me or needs me. > > I feel like I am a burden to others. > > I stop seeing the point in living. > > I start dreading taking a bunch of pills for the rest of my life, > espically pills I can not afford, and my insurance is runing out in 65 > days or so... > > Why do I get these deep depression feelings despite being on all that > luvox??? > > I still have never gone into a manic state what so ever, so I know this > is not bi-polar. I have ocd and depression. > > It almost feels like the ocd is worse on the drugs sometimes, but off > the drugs, I am terriably sucidial.. > > I hate feeling this way. > > I hate it. > > What can I do? > > is there something else I can do to get rid of this deep dark > depression? > > more klonloplin?? > > less loperamide??? (my ibs has been bad) -- dont know if this has any > effect or not, but i took a lot today, and i feel especially bad today. > > jamie >
2005-02-23 11:48:11
This is a multi-part message in MIME format.
------=_NextPart_000_0033_01C5199D.8CE86ED0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable I just subscribed to this group today and didn't know where to start. = Some of what you are mentioning sounds familiar. I don't have all of the = conditions you mentioned, but I also suffer from depression, although it = is usually mild. Chronic pain does contribute greatly to depression, but = with all of the meds and treatments that we go through, it could be = caused by almost anything. I'm on antidepressants at a low dose mostly = for the pain, but also slightly for depression. I think the biggest = thing that I've found to keep me from becoming a recluse, is getting = more active in the community. I don't do much, but I do spend several = hours every week working on church things, and then about 3-6 hours on = Sunday helping with church depending on if I have to work or not. At = least feeling like I have purpose and contributing to something helps. = If I go too long without doing those things I'm so down it's hard to get = back up and do anything. -- Rick Lester rick@ricknsarah.com ricklester@email.uophx.edu Home:(608)781-9990 Cell: (608)780-0337 "jamiedolan@yahoo.com" news:1109143836.901797.303100@f14g2000cwb.googlegroups.com... for thoes of you that dont know,,, the depression is on top of my ocd, ahhd autisum, ibs, cronic fatigue, fatty liver disorder, high cholestoral, severe anxeity, and so on... I am quite conviniced that i have cfs, but I have not been offically labeled as such because of my depression. However, it has been suspected that I had lupus, but now they dont think I have it, I just have a high ana. Despite my 300mg of luvox, I find with daily life sometimes, I just = get depressed, I feel like no one wants me or needs me. I feel like I am a burden to others. I stop seeing the point in living. I start dreading taking a bunch of pills for the rest of my life, espically pills I can not afford, and my insurance is runing out in 65 days or so... Why do I get these deep depression feelings despite being on all that luvox??? I still have never gone into a manic state what so ever, so I know = this is not bi-polar. I have ocd and depression. It almost feels like the ocd is worse on the drugs sometimes, but off the drugs, I am terriably sucidial.. I hate feeling this way. I hate it. What can I do? is there something else I can do to get rid of this deep dark depression? more klonloplin?? less loperamide??? (my ibs has been bad) -- dont know if this has any effect or not, but i took a lot today, and i feel especially bad = today. jamie ------=_NextPart_000_0033_01C5199D.8CE86ED0 Content-Type: text/html; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable charset=3Diso-8859-1"> I just subscribed to this group today and didn't = know where to start. Some of what you are mentioning sounds familiar. I don't = have all of the conditions you mentioned, but I also suffer from depression, = although it is usually mild. Chronic pain does contribute greatly to depression, = but with all of the meds and treatments that we go through, it could be caused by = almost anything. I'm on antidepressants at a low dose mostly for the pain, but = also slightly for depression. I think the biggest thing that I've found to = keep me from becoming a recluse, is getting more active in the community. I = don't do much, but I do spend several hours every week working on church things, = and then about 3-6 hours on Sunday helping with church depending on if I have to = work or not. At least feeling like I have purpose and contributing to something = helps. If I go too long without doing those things I'm so down it's hard to get = back up and do anything. -- Rick Lester href=3D"mailto:rick@ricknsarah.com">rick@ricknsarah.com href=3D"mailto:ricklester@email.uophx.edu">ricklester@email.uophx.edu= Home:(608)781-9990 Cell: (608)780-0337 style=3D"PADDING-RIGHT: 0px; PADDING-LEFT: 5px; MARGIN-LEFT: 5px; = BORDER-LEFT: #000000 2px solid; MARGIN-RIGHT: 0px"> "
href=3D"mailto:jamiedolan@yahoo.com">jamiedolan@yahoo.com" <
href=3D"mailto:jamiedolan@gmail.com">jamiedolan@gmail.com> = wrote in message = href=3D"news:1109143836.901797.303100@f14g2000cwb.googlegroups.com">news:= 1109143836.901797.303100@f14g2000cwb.googlegroups.com... for= thoes of you that dont know,,, the depression is on top of my = ocd, ahhd autisum, ibs, cronic fatigue, fatty liver disorder, = high cholestoral, severe anxeity, and so on... I am quite conviniced that i have = cfs, but I have not been offically labeled as such because of my = depression. However, it has been suspected that I had lupus, but now they dont = think I have it, I just have a high ana. Despite my 300mg of luvox, = I find with daily life sometimes, I just get depressed, I feel like no one = wants me or needs me. I feel like I am a burden to others. I = stop seeing the point in living. I start dreading taking a bunch of = pills for the rest of my life, espically pills I can not afford, and my = insurance is runing out in 65 days or so... Why do I get these deep = depression feelings despite being on all that luvox??? I still have = never gone into a manic state what so ever, so I know this is not = bi-polar. I have ocd and depression. It almost feels like the ocd is worse = on the drugs sometimes, but off the drugs, I am terriably = sucidial.. I hate feeling this way. I hate it. What can I do? is = there something else I can do to get rid of this deep dark depression? more klonloplin?? less loperamide??? = (my ibs has been bad) -- dont know if this has any effect or not, but i = took a lot today, and i feel especially bad today. jamie ------=_NextPart_000_0033_01C5199D.8CE86ED0--
2005-02-23 22:31:33
On Wed, 23 Feb 2005, Eq wrote:
> > I am picking at your wording of "being a burden to others", because I have > found myself using the exact same wording of late. Quite honestly, I wonder > if it isn't weather-related with the bizarre storms around the country Just to offer a bit of my own "wisdom" on the "being a burden" thing... If you need help, there's nothing wrong with seeking it. Its up to other ADULTS to decide for themselves how much help they are capable of/willing to offer. In other words, its NOT YOUR PROBLEM! ;) The weather thing... I am of the opinion that we humans do NOT take the weather seriously, and, as a result, suffer all kinds of ups and downs without ever realising its just an animal response to a natural phenomenon. I blame the government. ;\ -- --------------------------- http://tinyurl.com/4872c Have a nice day, it really does do you good! :)
2005-02-23 22:33:25
Weather has a very definite effect on moods and FMS. I can personally
attest to that since I went from 40-50 degree weather back home to 20 and lower and snow and now I am in a Fibro flare, thus depressed as all get out. Before I left for my trip, I was doing quite well physically. I do very poorly emotionally and physically from January through March..... especially if I see lots of snow on the ground. Does anybody else get the chills a lot and then break out into sweats? IBS is kicking up badly again too. I think of the two, physically ill or depressed, I would rather be physically ill. Depression seems so nebulous..... what the heck does one do with depression? Pills don't always work and neither does therapy or talking. Its just there.... doom and gloom!!! Sometimes for no good reason. Perhaps one of those lights in your home that is suppose to be similar to the sun is the answer??????????? Nettie "Mike-UK" news:Pine.LNX.4.58.0502232227100.1238@cbbg1.svfuvan.arg... > On Wed, 23 Feb 2005, Eq wrote: > > >> >> I am picking at your wording of "being a burden to others", because I have >> found myself using the exact same wording of late. Quite honestly, I wonder >> if it isn't weather-related with the bizarre storms around the country > > > Just to offer a bit of my own "wisdom" on the "being a > burden" thing... > > If you need help, there's nothing wrong with seeking it. > > Its up to other ADULTS to decide for themselves how much > help they are capable of/willing to offer. > > In other words, its NOT YOUR PROBLEM! ;) > > > The weather thing... > > I am of the opinion that we humans do NOT take the weather > seriously, and, as a result, suffer all kinds of ups and > downs without ever realising its just an animal response to > a natural phenomenon. > > > I blame the government. ;\ > > > -- > > > > --------------------------- > http://tinyurl.com/4872c > > Have a nice day, it really does do you good! :)
2005-02-23 22:22:57
HI
> Although it isn't the "advertised" reason for being different from > mammals, being able to be a burden does separate us from the other > :) :-) > > Seriously though, you may want to look at what's been going on in > the past day(s)... week(s)... or even the past month. Have you been Yea, Lots of stuff. Some good some bad... > overdoing to the point of exhaustion on the good moments (or good Nope. I dont overdo it. I do the very most I can, and it isnt very much.. > you get a whole day of feeling better)??? Are others pressuring you > nagging at you about what kind of care they think you should have and No not really. I mean you always do to some extent... > activities they think you should do/not do? Have you started any new > recently? (If so, get thee to the doctor or at least call him/her nope. well zyrtec, but i dont think that counts for much other than my freaking bloody nose... > him/her know that this depression may be part and parcel to the new > NOT a desired side effect.) Or is it just the same ol' same ol' pain > chronic illnesses wearing at you? (You're allowed to "be bummed" on yea pretty much... just wearing on me.... > occasion, you know, to cope with these illnesses.. Yea,, I guess,, I just hate it... >. as long as it doesn't > linger too long and become a threat to your safety/existence... at ture, which is a possibility at points... especially without proper klonloplin dosing... > point, you might want to call a doctor, pastor, friend or some other > who can help.) > > I am picking at your wording of "being a burden to others", because I > found myself using the exact same wording of late. Quite honestly, I > if it isn't weather-related with the bizarre storms around the Yea I dont know.. I am in neenah wisconsin and the weather has been weird here also... > if you are in the Midwest... the dipping and peaking of temps, often > swinging 40 degrees overnight. It has also been very grey out (at Yes... > here in Kansas) and without the needed sunlight to regulate myself > notice that I tend to slip into depression/despair much easier, THis is possibly causing a problem for me that I have not even realized. > when there are a gazillion other things around us. (I'm personally > situation where the place I was moving to fell through and I am > buying now instead of renting, which will mean staying in a motel for > next month or two while we get money moved around. Although I > letter indicating that my SSDI case has reached the point of hearing > (counting down from a maximum of 3 months and 3 weeks, according to > attorneys), there's still a few months of complete poverty to go and > loaning (which still feels like mooching, even though it will be paid > to be done. I know what you mean.. I am hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt.. > > Getting back toward the point, the fact that we *can* feel like a > suggests that we have the blessings of having others in our lives. Had. I seem to have a way of loosing them one by one... I think I lost 2 friends today.. > "glass half full" version of feeling like a burden would be that > fortunate to have people that care and that remain in our lives > of how needy we become. Don't get me wrong, I don't always see the > half full" version until hindsight kicks in... I don't get a free > bumming on occasion either... I have come damn close to scaring them all away and without the meds i think they would all be gone... > > Know you aren't alone, for what that's worth (and sometimes it's > lot, sometimes not)... and that others care... and that it's okay to Thanks. It is nice to hear. I really wish I had some offline friends to tell me that, but hearing it from online friends is better than not hearing it at all.. > the life lost to fibro and its inherent afflictions. If those > begin to monopolize or negatively impact your life, though, you might > to get some help. Yes, they always monoloplize my life... but i get help from doctors pschylogists also... but that only goes so far.. > Otherwise, this is the place to post those feelings that > one is pretty certain that "normals" will not understand... and the > us are here for essentially the same reason that you are... to not be > with our pain. True. That is part of why I am comming. So I am not alone... > Many of us have already lost jobs, homes, real-life > friends/acquaintances and even family due to fibro making us less > dependable and/or able to maintain a schedule, so we "get" how deep > resulting emotional pain can run as well. Me too.. I have lost tons of friends, and customers, and $$$$$$$$$$ hundreds of thousands of dollars... > > Yes, people squabble here and some folks can't stand me and I can't > some folks, at least on the surface (I really doubt any of us would > quick to jump to conclusions in real life... myself included.)... but > gather here for the same essential purpose... because it *is* where > be ourselves and not feel out of place. Bask in that, if you can and > others help you feel better, if possible. Thank you, you are helping me... > > I hope the moment improves into an improved hour/dayweek/month, etc. > the best we can hope for at times, but it's really enough. We can > the plans we want, but we're still stuck living in this moment and > the best of it that we can. > > Hope some (any?) of my ramblings helped. Know you aren't alone. > Yes. Thank you mary. I appricate your support and the time you took to write the message. It does mean a lot to me to know that you care. Jamie > Mary > -- > "A room without books is like a body without a soul." - Marcus > Cicero > "jamiedolan@yahoo.com" > news:1109143836.901797.303100@f14g2000cwb.googlegroups.com... > > > > for thoes of you that dont know,,, the depression is on top of my > > ahhd autisum, ibs, cronic fatigue, fatty liver disorder, high > > cholestoral, severe anxeity, and so on... > > > > I am quite conviniced that i have cfs, but I have not been > > labeled as such because of my depression. However, it has been > > suspected that I had lupus, but now they dont think I have it, I > > have a high ana. > > > > Despite my 300mg of luvox, I find with daily life sometimes, I just > > depressed, I feel like no one wants me or needs me. > > > > I feel like I am a burden to others. > > > > I stop seeing the point in living. > > > > I start dreading taking a bunch of pills for the rest of my life, > > espically pills I can not afford, and my insurance is runing out in > > days or so... > > > > Why do I get these deep depression feelings despite being on all > > luvox??? > > > > I still have never gone into a manic state what so ever, so I know > > is not bi-polar. I have ocd and depression. > > > > It almost feels like the ocd is worse on the drugs sometimes, but > > the drugs, I am terriably sucidial.. > > > > I hate feeling this way. > > > > I hate it. > > > > What can I do? > > > > is there something else I can do to get rid of this deep dark > > depression? > > > > more klonloplin?? > > > > less loperamide??? (my ibs has been bad) -- dont know if this has > > effect or not, but i took a lot today, and i feel especially bad > > > > jamie > > |
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